


Hidden Sorrow

by Fangirlinahoodie



Category: ROTTMNT - Fandom, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Major Donnie Angst, Mental Breakdown, Other, Panic Attacks, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlinahoodie/pseuds/Fangirlinahoodie
Summary: Following a battle with The Shredder that nearly killed him, Donnie is left with nothing but three paranoid brothers and a long road to recovery ahead of him.Out of options, he accepts helps from a witch with the promise of solving all his problems; however, things don’t go as expected.Because now... Donatello Hamato is human.Stuck in his new form for the time being, Donnie is finally able to live the life he always dreamed of having.But is it all too good to be true?
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	1. Battle Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Been contemplating making a real angsty rottmnt fic for a while now and I finally gained the motivation to do so, so here we are!!
> 
> A few important things to note before reading:
> 
> This fic takes place in the aftermath of the the deleted fight scene for “Shreddy or Not” in which Donnie’s battle shell is broken and he is badly injured 
> 
> This fic does not correlate with the timeline of the show and uses the deleted scene from the show purely as a background plot
> 
> Due to it not correlating with the timeline of the show, Baron Draxum is still a villain and the main antagonist of this story

2 months.

That’s how long it had been.

That's how long it had been since the Hamato brothers had defeated the Shredder.

That's how long it had been since Donnie had survived with barely an inch of life left to grasp onto.

2 months.

That's how long he'd been recovering for.

2 months.

And yet it felt like an eternity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Donnie!!" The softshell turtle's head perked up upon hearing his twin brothers voice drone through the lair, halting the incessant clack of the keyboard he had been typing on moments before.

"Pizza's here!!" Leo continued when Donnie didn't respond, the latter sighing before begrudgingly standing from his desktop chair, scratching at the bandages wrapped around his plastron and over his shell as they shifted uncomfortably.

He didn't even bother sparing a glance at the crutches by the lab door as he walked out, briefly recalling how Raph had placed them there the first time he was back in after the incident.

 _"Just in case you need 'em"_ His big brother had told him.

But he didn't need them. He knew he didn't, finding them insulting more than anything, a mockery of his capabilities.

By now he'd gotten used to the dull throb that coursed through his back with every step he took, just as he'd gotten used to the pitied expressions of his brothers anytime he showed face.

God, he hated it when they did that. He hated it so much.

Donnie heard the chattering of his brothers before he even reached the bottom floor, deciphering their words as the usual childish conversations like how many slices Raph could eat before throwing up or what the best Lou Jitsu movie was. Among the multiple voices coming from the kitchen, Donnie quickly picked up a female voice.

April, of course.

For a moment he pondered on why she was here, seeing as she didn't usually stop by on a school night, especially not this late. However, that train of thought soon eased to a stop as he soon realised what that must mean.

 _Ah, shit._ He thought grimly. _Movie night._

Though he could've sworn it was Friday, for once being wrong wouldn't come as much of a surprise to him seeing as he'd long since stopped checking what day it was, finding it served as nothing but a reminder of how much longer he'd be in this condition for. Not that he was blind to the reality that, even with his mutant DNA enhancing the healing process, he'd be stuck like this for at least 4 months, he just preferred to let the days pass by in a succession of blurs.

Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much...

Donnie shook those thoughts from his mind, pushing them aside for what he told himself would be another day, knowing full well that day would never come.

He wasn't in the mood for a lot of things right now, and a movie night certainly wasn't one of them. But, for the sake of his brothers (well, mainly for the sake of not having Raph pester him about if he was feeling okay), he'd pull through, albeit reluctantly.

Fortunately for Donnie, he only ever had to endure this once every two weeks on a Saturday; a small mercy on his part. Don't get me wrong, he didn't despise the idea of spending time with his brothers, no. That wasn't what made him hesitant to join them, but what did, what he hated, what he despised with every fibre of his being was the pity, the sympathy, the way everyone around him always felt the need to fuss over him.

Whether it was making sure he was sat in a comfortable enough position so he didn't hurt his shell or simply asking how his day was, he hated it.

Leo seemed to be the only one who understood that, although he wasn't in the best of shape right now, he was more than capable of taking care of himself, opting for a more subtle way of expressing concern towards his brother such as bringing him coffee when he knew Donnie was going to be in his lab most of the day or saving him the last slices of pizza when he failed to come down for dinner. Though Leo never did such things in front of him, having too much pride to admit he cared, Donnie knew he was the one behind them.

He wished Leo didn't have to do so in the first place but, whether Donnie liked it or not, this is how his life would be for the next foreseeable future. He just hoped his brothers would ease up on the paranoia soon.

He walked into the kitchen with little more than an acknowledging glance towards the others, his mind occupied by thoughts of his research and how long it would be before he could go back to it.

Mikey was the first to spot him, the youngest's face lighting up with sudden excitement before waving enthusiastically and calling out to him. Donnie didn't have to force the smile that pulled at his lips, the genuine happiness on his brothers expression seemingly contagious.

April seemed to have brought the pizza's herself, handing the others their individual boxes while Raph and Leo bickered about why their favourite pizza topping was the best, an argument in which was never won by either parties.

At least some things never changed.

Thought Donnie would never say so in front of his brothers, he'd started losing his appetite for pizza recently, or food in general for that matter. Nowadays, dinner just consisted of him forcing down whatever he could without making anyone suspicious, usually retreating back to his lab (most likely where he would remain for the rest of the night) afterwards, seeing as it was one of the few places Raph still allowed him to go, on the condition that he maintain a healthy eating and sleeping schedule.

Donnie had since found loopholes to this caveat, like waiting till his brothers slept before sneaking back to his lab or even going so far as to take stray food packages from the trash to make it look like he'd eaten.

It wasn't as if Donnie didn't get hungry or tired, most of the time he was both, it's just that the meals were often more painful to stomach than what it was worth and most sleep he had was plagued by nightmares of his deepest fears from the darkest corners of his mind.

He had yet to tell his brothers of this, in fact, he didn't plan on telling them any time soon either, sticking to his stubborn moral conduct of facing his problems alone.

Granted, Donnie knew such habits weren't exactly healthy, but at least the distractions he busied himself with in the lab were.

Well, he seemed to think so-

It was healthier than letting himself rot in his room with nothing but his thoughts slowly consuming him with every passing day, something in which he'd seriously considered doing during his first two weeks of recovery. The fact that he'd managed to pull himself from his bed in the first place was nothing short of a miracle.

Mikey never took advantage of that, knowing how hard it must be for his brother, now rendered more helpless than he'd ever been, to muster the strength to go about his day the way he did. So casual, so unbothered. It unnerved Mikey in a way he couldn't explain, especially when he should be happy his brother was getting on with his life, perhaps not as it was before, but enough for him to function, so that was better than nothing.

In all honesty, Mikey couldn't remember the last time he saw Donnie outside of eating or the occasional movie night (save for the many hours he was in his lab for, of course), only causing his excitement to intensify whenever he finally showed face, his daily appearance serving as a strange comfort that he was still here, he was trying and he was going to get better.

_He was... right?_

Mikey didn't like thoughts like that, the thoughts that had kept him awake for so many nights he'd lost count, the kind that did nothing but further the unreasonable worry he felt regarding Donnie's safety.

He'd lived his whole life looking up to his brothers, at times subconsciously relying on them to protect him, to make sure nothing bad ever happened to him. He knew they were always there, and with that knowledge he felt safe, like he was invincible. But apparently they weren't. Because now Donnie was hurt, now he couldn't even protect himself, let alone Mikey and he just... well, the youngest didn't really know how to deal with that.

Especially when the guilt started creeping in.

I mean, how could Mikey expect his brothers to look after him when he couldn't even return the favour?

Mikey didn't like thoughts like that...

"Hey Donnie!" April beamed upon seeing him, catching the attention or Raph and Leo, momentarily halting their bickering as they finally took notice of his presence.

"There you are, D," Raph smiled wide, giving Leo a glare that practically screamed 'we'll finish this later'. "Nice to finally see you outta the lab."

"Yeah, you've been cooped up in there all day," Leo quickly agreed. "I mean, you are everyday but- still, that's not the point! It's movie night, dude. Couldn't you just put your techy stuff on hold for the day?" He complained as he usually did, apparently not realising how April would react as the latter shot Donnie an expectant glare.

She didn't like it when he neglected his health like that and, knowing him as well as she did, could probably guess how long this had been going on for, despite her continuous attempts at getting him to avoid such habits. 

Donnie pretended not to notice his friends concern as he said. "Yes, well, seeing as I completed my last project within the hour, I thought I'd make use of my time and challenge myself with something that requires more... extensive research and coding."

"Meaning?" Leo tilted his head with a dumbfounded expression that made his twin mentally facepalm.

Donnie heaved an exasperated sigh. "In layman's terms, I'm working on something much more advanced that my previous projects."

"What is it?"

"Well-"

"Is it the drill??" Leo asked hopefully.

"What? No-"

"Rocket skateboard?"

"Nope."

"A giant pizza oven??" Mikey piped up beside him with stars in his eyes. 

"Not even close. Listen, it's just some new hacking software," He explained briefly, not wanting to get into the details of it as he knew they wouldn't understand anyway.

"Laaaaaame- ow!" Leo whined as Raph backhanded him over the head.

"Sounds awesome, D," His big brother encouraged as Leo rubbed the back of his head with a pout.

Donnie rolled his eyes playfully. He knew fake enthusiasm when he saw it.

It was moments like that that Donnie appreciated the most, those moments of simple banter between his brothers that made him forget, even if only for an instant, it made him feel like things were... normal again.

Well, as normal as things could get for four teenage mutant ninja turtles and their rat dad-

Nonetheless, he relished that feeling, seeing as it was always gone as quickly as it arrived, the reality that he returned to growing harsher every time, the reality that things weren't normal anymore, nor would they be for a long time. No, when things were normal, Donnie wasn't useless, he wasn't the pathetic mess he was now, he wasn't the empty husk that wondered without purpose.

All because of his stupid fucking shell.

Why couldn't he be a box turtle like Mikey? Or a red-eared slider like his own twin? Why did he have to be so weak, so fragile that he'd spent years of his life wearing that damn battle shell? God, he wished he could wear it again. He felt naked without it; exposed, like a piece of him was missing. 

He tried not to think too much about that, though...

 _"Wishing for the impossible serves no one."_ is what he'd tell himself anytime thoughts like that began to creep in.

Donnie was brought back to reality as Raph turned to Mikey and said. "You got the movie set up?"

"Up and running!" The youngest replied with a cheerful grin and a thumbs up.

Donnie really did envy Mikey's seemingly endless joy and optimism sometimes, often wondering what it was that kept him so effortlessly energetic and positive. He wondered the same about Raph's relentless determination and Leo's insufferable ego, their core traits so representative of who they were it left Donnie somewhat clueless about himself.

What made him... him? Did he even have anything to show for himself other than his intelligence? He dismissed such curiosities.

"Alright! Let's get this movie night started," Raph announced cheerfully.

"Dibs on Dad's chair!" Mikey called out before racing off into the living room, Leo and Raph quickly following suit in a slur of "Hey, no fair!" and "Get back here!".

April and Donnie walked in brisk pace after them, not exactly caring what their designated seat ended up being, the former looking at Donnie, momentarily taking in his sagged shoulders and downward gaze before asking. "Hey, you okay?" Sympathy laced her tone, and Donnie would be lying if he said he didn't hate it.

"Wha- oh, uh, yeah, I'm good." He quickly assured her with a dismissive wave of his hand. "My minds just a little preoccupied at the moment." 

"Have you been getting enough sleep?" She asked, pointing at Donnie with a glare before continuing, "And don't even think about lying to me."

"Of course I have!" He retaliated quickly, swatting April's hand away. "I got a full 9 hours last night." 

That was a lie, of course.

In fact, Donnie couldn't even remember the last time he'd gotten more than 5 hours sleep, having been woken up at 4am that morning thanks to another nightmare. He'd made sure to wait a few hours afterwards before deciding it to be safe enough to go back to his lab without his brothers thinking he hadn't slept.

April sighed in reluctant defeat. "Alright, alright." Donnie could tell she wasn't fully convinced, whether it was because she knew him too well or he simply wasn't as good of a liar as he thought he was, he couldn't tell.

"Just... try to relax a little, okay?" She smiled softly, nudging his arm with her elbow. "Enjoy yourself." 

"I'll be fine, April," He said, the words sounding too strained to be casual. "Contrary to popular belief, I am perfectly capable of relaxing every once in a while." 

April breathed a laugh. "That's the spirit."

If Donnie had hair, April probably would've ruffled it as they walked into the living room only to find Raph holding Leo in a headlock while Mikey spectated from where he sat in Splinter's chair, having acquired the best seat while the other two fought.

Donnie couldn't help but chuckle to himself at his brothers idiocy, the ghost of a smile playing at his features as he sat down. He tried not to be too obvious with how difficult it was to lower himself without shifting his bandages, stifling a grunt of discomfort as he positioned himself onto the beanbag beside Mikey. 

As everyone else settled down and the movie began, Donnie couldn't help but let his thoughts drift from reality, away from a world that had given him nothing but pain for the past two months and towards a world where nothing could hurt him, a world where his problems did not exist, a world where things were just... better.

 _Wishing for the impossible serves no one_. He scolded himself as he continued to dream...


	2. A New Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie felt his back explode into agony as his battle shell shattered with a resounding "CRACK", crying out in pain from the sheer force that sent him crashing and tumbling out of his brother's reach. He blacked out, and for a period of time he couldn't determine, there was only darkness... He felt himself hanging on the brink of consciousness and perhaps even life, he realised with sudden panic, his fists clenched weakly as he lay on his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again with another update! As y'all can probably tell this fanfic is VERY angsty and will remain so for the entirety of the story, so prepare to have your heart crushed (several times if all goes according to plan).   
> Anyway, this is the most I've ever written in a single chapter so I am very proud of myself for that and yeah-  
> ENJOY!!<333

Donnie felt his back explode into agony as his battle shell shattered with a resounding "CRACK", crying out in pain from the sheer force that sent him crashing and tumbling out of his brother's reach. He blacked out, and for a period of time he couldn't determine, there was only darkness... He felt himself hanging on the brink of consciousness and perhaps even life, he realised with sudden panic, his fists clenched weakly as he lay on his stomach.

Despite the adrenaline pulsing through him, it did nothing to numb the fire-laced anguish consuming the entirety of his shell, gritting down his teeth as he choked down his cries. Not that he would be able to release them anyway, seeing as the only thing his vocal cords seemed to be able to let out were strangled coughs and whimpers.

His eyes became blurred by the stars that flecked his vision, hearing muffled by the ringing that pierced his ears, lungs convulsing from the smoke that filled them. Donnie started panicking, hyperventilating, a cascade of thoughts flooding into his head like a broken dam as he fought to find the strength to move. Or at the very least, stay awake.

It took Donnie a moment to decipher what was happening once he suddenly felt the warmth of some sort of liquid streaming from his back and pooling by his side. The realisation struck him like a tidal wave. He was bleeding, losing blood at an alarming rate by the looks of it. Whether these injuries were obtained from the initial impact of the resulting crash, he was too panicked to figure out. However, judging by the pain that felt all too sharp to be caused by mere collision, he could at least deduce there was something (or multiple things) lodged in his shell. Based on the force of the impact and the angle of the fall, Donnie didn't dismiss the possibility that shards of his own battle shell had become wedged into his back upon being broken.

Where were his brothers? Why weren't they there to save him?..

He was so weak, so paralysed by the pain that rendered him almost completely incapacitated, it took everything he had in him to resist against the vicious and abrupt fatigue dragging at his consciousness. All the while his thoughts began to corrupt any logical thinking left in him, overlapping and contorting like a broken radio, so loud he was almost convinced he was speaking aloud.

_Is this it? Is this how it ends? Am I going to die? Yes, this is how I die. Oh my god, I'm dying. I'm dying all alone oh god I'm going to die I'm going to-_

No.

_Breathe, Donnie._

He tried, but he couldn't. Only smoke spilled into his lungs, resulting in a fit of coughs that had Donnie's chest jerking in agony with every choked wheeze. His strength was leaving him, his body betraying him, he was losing hope; he felt it fading, fading... This couldn't be it, Donnie wasn't done yet, there was so much he wanted to do, so much he wanted to see, so much love to give. No, he would not allow himself to die this way, he would not allow himself to give up so easily, he had to help his brothers. He had to.

Summoning up every bit of will left in him (which wasn't a lot), Donnie forced himself to breathe as the smoke cleared, blinking away the tears that pricked at his eyes, each lungful of air growing more painful than the next. His heart was pounding with the intensity of a thousand drums, reverberating through his skull with every painstaking attempt he made to move, all of which came to no avail. He coughed harshly, squinting as he finally regained the entirety of his sight, the ringing finally dying down alongside it. With everything around him now decipherable enough to clear his head, Donnie realised his brothers were nowhere in sight.

_Where are they??_

The question rang in his mind on permanent repeat, getting louder and more urgent with every passing second. His arms shook and his joints ached as he tried to push himself up, swallowing down a bark of pain as the wounds on his shell (and whatever was lodged in it) shifted with tremendous agony.

The ground abruptly shook beneath him, a mixture of shouting and monstrous roars sounding from a battle now far away from Donnie, but not far enough for him to miss the unmistakable voices of his brothers, and though he couldn't construct much of what they were saying, he knew there was nothing left of the fun carelessness they usually inhabited when faced with danger like this. Now their yells held nothing but fear and terror, the dread that had only just begun dying down immediately bursting back into the softshell turtle as his heart sank.

_Where are they?!_ He questioned again, but this time, it wasn't for his own sake...

Only upon realising his brothers may very well be closer to death than he was did the adrenaline begin to spike again, jolting one last ounce of energy into him, the determination to help his family seemingly overwhelming him as that sudden surging strength pulsed through him. His muscles strained and trembled under the pressure of pushing himself up, fists clenched so hard his knuckles paled, and this time the pain wasn't enough to subdue him as he finally got himself into a sitting position and-

Wait a second...

His... his legs. He couldn't feel them. He couldn't _move_ them.

Donnie's skin paled. His eyes widened as he stared down at his legs, chest heaving with every harsh panicked breath despite his mind screaming for him to calm down. But that was impossible, because there was no feeling in his legs, he couldn't move and there was nothing he could do about it. He was trapped, his body fighting against his mind in a battle that soon came to an end, when his brothers dying screams echoed through the lair with grim clarity.

He had failed them. They needed him, he wasn't there and now... now they were gone...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donnie shot up with a gasp, eyes darting around the darkness of his room with a hand clasped to his pounding heart. Despite having been brought back to reality, the fear of his previous terrors lingered as though he was still there, his breathing heavy and irregular as he wiped at the tears blurring his vision.

"1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6-" Donnie began counting, the words coming out in gasps as his chest heaved and mind raced with thoughts of his brothers' demise. He'd found that doing this was at least somewhat helpful in the event that he experienced one of these nightmares (which was very often). He would usually reciting the first 10-20 digits of Pi or the Fibonacci sequence, however on a night like this, when the horrors had left him so perturbed his mind couldn't even allow him to remember the most basic of his knowledge, he reverted to simply counting as high as he needed to until the hysteria went away.

It took him counting to 78 before he finally calmed down enough to focus on his external surroundings, elucidating every shape and silhouette before finally accepting that he was in the comfort of his own room and not on the brink of death, with no dead brothers and the ability to move his legs restored. He released a heavy sigh, dropping his head into his trembling hands as his shoulders sagged from the invisible weight lingering in the air.

"Just a dream, Donnie," He whispered softly, feeling embarrassed at the need to assure himself of such things in the first place. After all, he should know better. "Just a dream..." He repeated nonetheless, the words muffled by his hands, now still and completely banished of any sign of weakness that once resided.

He stayed like that for a while, silent, unmoving. Eventually, his heart rate, much like his racing thoughts, began to slow down, a mercy compared to the panic attack he'd had just two nights prior. He contemplated going down to the kitchen for a much needed drink, whether it was water or coffee he would decide when he got there, not that he was very fond of the latter, but if it kept him from falling back into that misery-induced world of torment, then he would grin and bear it. However, he quickly deduced it wasn't worth the risk of waking his brothers, nor was it worth the risk of confrontation as to why he was up so late... Or was it early?

Donnie didn't know; he didn't plan on checking either. Besides, he'd know when it was safe to emerge once he heard his brothers engage in their usual cacophony of conversation down in the kitchen, just as loud and erratic in the morning as it was any other time. Fortunately for him, those loud-mouthed idiots often helped quite a bit on the occasions where the early morning terrors had left him shaken with variations of the same nightmare, simply in a different rhythm; hearing his brothers voices, so bright and full of life, it certainly helped ease his fear enough for him to drag himself out of his sad little bubble and into reality. Granted, that reality usually ended up being his lab, but at least he wasn't basking and festering in his own self-induced nightmare.

His hands, laced in a cold sweat, trailed from his face and down to his elbows, hugging himself in an embrace that was anything but comforting. For a while, only Donnie's shaking breaths and the occasional ruffle of sheets occupied the silence of his room that felt all too empty, too vast to contain just one being, especially one as broken as himself. But then again, he couldn't decide what was worse, suffering in silence or suffering while surrounded by his brothers' pity. In his mind, it was the latter.

And so that's where Donnie stayed, curled up in solitude with nothing but his thoughts keeping him company.

He remained that way until the sun began to rise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I don't think this is such a good idea, April," Raph's voice was filled with uncertainty, a tone his friend had taken the liberty of naming his 'paranoid big brother voice'. However, despite the eldest' hesitance, it did nothing to discourage April in her persistence to persuade him.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, leaning on Raph's bedroom doorframe as she stared down the red-clad turtle, who did his best to maintain an unrelenting gaze as he sat on the edge of his bed with his feet planted on the floor. Having already convinced Splinter into agreeing with her suggestion with little more than a few spurring words of persuasion, she was now left with the task of also swaying the eldest into granting so, a chore that would be prove to be much more difficult than she'd originally anticipated.

"Look, Raph, I know you only want what's best for Donnie, and I know you're just trying to protect him, but for god's sake, he hasn't left the lair in two months!" April threw her arms up in an exaggerative gesture, and Raph bit down a defensive retort as she continued. "I promise it'll be a quick trip. There and back. Just to get him outta that damn lab and into the real world. He needs the fresh air."

Though Raph was too stubborn to admit it aloud, he knew she was right, and a part of him hated her for it. See, when it came to Donnie's wellbeing, Raph and April had a tendency to disagree on the right way to go about it. While Raph thought it better to be safe than sorry, April preferred more active methods, methods that included taking risks the eldest simply couldn't allow Donnie to make. In his eyes, it was best to let the natural healing process be, to have patience, something Raph wasn't used to exhibiting, but for Donnie, he would wait 1000 years just to make sure he got better.

However, the thought of Donnie finally being out of the lab for a bit appealed to him more than he felt inclined to show, though he couldn't say the same for how his brother would feel about such a proposition. Perhaps he would be too caught up in his work to care, or perhaps (and this was Raph being optimistic here) he'd be ecstatic to get out for the first time in 8 weeks.

Raph briefly recalled back to when Donnie had finally been able to walk again after 3 weeks of straight rest, immediately deeming himself well enough to fight and trying to persuade his brothers of that fact. Unsurprisingly, they weren't having any of it. If it weren't for his horrendous limp and hunched demeanour, they might've believed him, but those factors alone were enough of an indication that Donnie was merely pulling a brave face, unwilling to admit he needed more time. Also unsurprising, knowing him.

Over time, Donnie's downright outrage at being unable to join his brothers during missions faltered into mild aggression, which then died down into clear reluctance and eventually, acceptance. Raph wondered if Donnie would still exhibit such acceptance of his position when faced with the option April was currently offering. Right now, that was an answer he simply couldn't foresee, what with how much Donnie had changed in the past few months and how unpredictable he'd become. The softshell always tried to go about his day and pretend as though nothing had changed, but every one of them knew things were far from normal, whether they let onto that fact or not.

Too many times had Donnie awoken in a fairly good mood only to end the day pissed after an argument with Raph, an ordeal the latter had grown accustomed to by now. Thankfully, their bickering never exceeded beyond spiteful remarks and harsh comebacks on Donnie's part before he finally bit his tongue and walked away in a huff, usually retreating to his lab.

_He's just stressed,_ Is what Raph had gotten used to telling himself whenever his younger brother inevitably stormed off.

"C'mon, big guy. Talk to me." Upon hearing April speak again, this time her tone softer than before, Raph realised he had been deep in thought. He shook his head slightly, having considered his friends points with harsh reluctance, yet still not fully convinced by the looks of it.

"I don't know, I mean - what if something happens to him? What if he wanders off on his own and gets himself in trouble? What if-"

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down there," April was quick to interrupt the clearly paranoid turtle, pinning him with a confident gaze as she said. "Donnie's not a child, Raph. He may have lost his ability to fight, but I'm pretty sure he's still got all those smart brain cells of his. Plus, you know he wouldn't dare run off on me," She added with a playful smirk.

To be fair, she had a point-

Raph averted his gaze to the ground for a moment, lips pursing in a way that told April she'd already won him over as he muttered beneath his breath. "Fine."

A quiet okay, but an okay all the same, so that was a win in April's book. She breathed a sigh of relief, grinning proudly. "You made the right choice,"

"I hope you're right," Raph rubbed the nape of his neck, unable to hide the sudden nerves that emerged with the thought of being out of Donnie's reach, unable to protect him should something bad happen. And without his battle shell, no less.

He had half the mind to suggest he come with them, however, some part of him, as far away and as quiet as it was, told him he needed to learn to trust Donnie on his own, that he'd need to give him his own independence if he truly wanted him to get better. So for now, for Donnie, Raph would put aside his regular worries.

"You're gonna have to talk to Donnie about it first, though," He warned. "I can't promise he'll be easy to convince,"

"Puleassse," April waved her hand casually, accepting the apparent challenge with cool determination as she reassured him. "I got this, leave it to me."

As much as Raph trusted April, especially when it came to Donnie and keeping him in check, it was clear his over-protective big brother instincts had overridden the normally unconditional faith he had in her. But, if anyone could get through to his too-stubborn-for-his-own-good brother, it was April.

Raph's conversation with April was cut short upon hearing the all too familiar voice of Mikey calling him, the eldest's head perking up before sighing heavily. He knew the drill by now. Based on the succession of thuds and crashing he'd been hearing throughout his and April's discussion, Mikey was no doubt calling his elder brother over to show him a new skateboard trick he'd "perfected", despite how most occasions in which he'd claimed this had ended with Mikey landing on his face while his skateboard slipped beneath him and (coincidentally) hit Raph in the face, too.

Leo was probably already down there ready to film-

Raph gave April one last "break a leg" nod, reaching over his bedside table to grab what April quickly identified as a football helmet. For protection, of course. She suppressed a snort as Raph passed her, wishing her luck with a pat on the shoulder as he did so.

"You too." She laughed. He probably needed it more than she did.

And with that, April turned on her heel and made her way to Donnie's lab, praying he was in a good enough mood to be complacent of his friend's proposal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Putting it bluntly, Donnie's lab was an absolute mess, as chaotic and wild as his thoughts, having been severely neglected thanks to Donnie's restricted abilities and how much he was actually able to uphold before his shell started to ache. At first, Donnie was rather diligent in maintaining the tidiness of the lab, though it became quickly apparent that up-keeping it the way he had previously done was going to be virtually impossible in his current state, forcing him to be a little more careless about the state of his lab. After a while, though, he became a little _too_ careless, too absorbed in his seemingly endless research and experiments to care about the etiquette of his workspace.

It was in this state that April entered Donnie's lab, the air instantly taking on a more unnatural feel, as though disturbed, stripped of any peace that once resided.

Though she strolled in without so much as a knock, it seemed Donnie was quick to sense her presence, his eyes still darting from screen to screen and fingers subconsciously typing at a rapid pace as he said, "A knock would be appreciated,"

Despite the harsh greeting, April simply dismissed it with a playful eye roll. "Aha, good one," She stalked over to where he sat at his desk, unable to keep up with the overwhelming progression of numbers, charts and data flashing between each monitor.

How his brain could contain so much knowledge still baffled her to this day.

"Well, since you're so excited to see me, I was wondering if you'd be up for a little trip?" She asked with a hopeful gleam in her eyes, her voice laced with a sweetness that, most days, worked pretty well on Donnie.

Apparently, today wasn't one of those days.

"Where to?" He asked with too much disinterest for her liking, though she knew there was at least a hint of curiosity in that response, whether or not he let onto it, she would soon find out.

"Oh, it's nothing crazy, I just need to pick up a remedy from Gentry down in witchtown. Mayhem's not been feeling too good lately so she said she'd help me out," She explained casually as Donnie cocked a brow and looked up at her.

"And you want me to come because-?" He lingered on the last word.

"Well, I thought you might want to get outta the lab for a little, I mean- don't you the- y'know, the outside world??" April gestured towards the all too bright screens before them. "Plus, this _cannot_ be good for your eyes, D,"

Donnie raised a pointed finger, swirling in his chair to fully face his friend. "Beneficial or not, these screens serve as a very effective distraction and, y'know, since Raph is always going on about me getting better as a priority, wouldn't that make my work a priority if I claim it's helping me?"

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that," She sighed with a facepalm, more to herself than anything.

But Donnie only shrugged, ignoring the warning of April's deteriorating patience. He knew she had a lot more patience with him compared to his brothers. "Besides, it's not like I've got anything better to do while I'm stuck like this," He motioned to the bandages wrapped around his plastron and shell.

"Well, now you do," She quickly argued.

Despite how his voice remained level and calm, April could tell by the way Donnie pursed his lips and averted his gaze that he was more than hesitant to oblige, just as she could tell he knew this was not a battle she was going to back down from. She couldn't blame him for being so reluctant, if not due to the insecurity of being seen as what he would call weak in public then certainly because of his still-lingering skepticism of witchtown and their residents. If he'd been in his right mind, he probably would've convinced her not to go, but that mindset seemed to have left him the moment his own battle shell had failed him. 

The softshell fell silent for a moment, and April was hopeful that he'd finally agree to join her before he said. "I don't know, April. You sure this is a good idea?"

"Ugh, you sound like your brother," She groaned as she rolled her eyes. "Listen, you can't exactly expect things to go back to normal on it's own. Start getting out again, get back into the same habits you used to, maybe even _try_ to regain a healthy sleeping schedule,"

"I-"

"Don't bullshit me, Donnie. I know you only get like 6 hours sleep a night,"

That number was off by a few hours, but Donnie kept his mouth shut nonetheless.

"My point is- baby steps."

"Baby steps? I'd say taking a stroll through a crowded city full of witches is pretty far from baby steps," Donnie retorted sarcastically.

"Oh you know what I mean," April threw her arms up in an exaggerated gesture. It seemed he was in a more obstinate mood than usual. "You've gotta start somewhere! Plus, I may or may not have made a bet with Leo that you'd say yes so I kinda need this-"

He wanted to blame April for that mistake and for being a dumbass, but instead he said. "Well, what's on the line here?"

She chewed on her bottom lip, pointing her gaze at the ground with an expression that told Donnie it couldn't have been good. "My entire gaming setup," She finally said with a cringe.

Dumbass indeed.

Leo was never one to make such big bets, the only time he ever did so was when he was painstakingly confident that he wouldn't lose. In this case, Donnie didn't know whether or not to be offended by that, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let him win. It's not as though he were lacking electronics either, what with all the retro gaming stations they owned, courtesy of their father (some of which had even been modified by Donnie himself).

"Ughhhh, April, why-" Donnie whined, pinching the bridge of his nose in disappointment.

She put her hands on her hip. "Well, I thought you'd be a little more enthusiastic about getting outta the lab for once," She tutted with her usual April sass. "Please, D?" At this point, she was giving him the puppy dog eyes, and Donnie averted his gaze in an attempt to resist such a trick.

"You've got nothing better to do," She then added, using his own previous point against him.

Donnie sighed a defeated sigh, scowling at his evidently persuasive friend as he oh-so-begrudgingly admitted. "I suppose you're right." The words were barely more than a mumble.

"Yes!-"

"But you owe me big time," He quickly interrupted with a point and a glare. 

"Yeah, yeah, I figured," April responded in a monotone, somewhat unsurprised voice, her prior joy quickly returning with a resultant grin, the contagious triumph soon taking over Donnie's features as a soft smile played at his lips.

He often forgot how happy it made him seeing his friends and family express such genuine happiness, having been deprived of that simple privilege for what felt like an eternity by now. I mean, who knows? Donnie had been more prone than not to come to irrational conclusions, so perhaps this trip wouldn't turn out as bad as he feared. An unlikely hypothesis, but, knowing him and his pessimistic mindset, more probable than he'd expect.

"Waitwaitwait Mikey LOOK OUT-" Raph's voice suddenly roared through the lair, followed by an abrupt high-pitched scream from the youngest. A thud and a crash later, April and Donnie could make out the subtle and synchronised "Oww" from Raph and Mikey.

Leo's uncontrollable laughter sounded not long after.

As Donnie rose from his chair, he and April setting off to make sure the two idiots outside hadn't broken anything, he found himself feeling... hopeful? Is that what this was? He hadn't experienced it in so long he'd forgotten what it felt like, but now, with something to look forward to that wasn't hour after tiresome hour in his lab, he felt his mood suddenly shifting to the more positive spectrum of emotions. Call him an optimist, but a part of him wondered if this could be the start of regaining some sort of normalcy in his life. 

A foolish hope to have, he knew as such, but for now, that small flare, that subtle spark, it was enough. 


End file.
